Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
