I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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