drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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