I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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