It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
