omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
