i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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