Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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