Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
