also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
