...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
