Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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