chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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