I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
