That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
