In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
