I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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