A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you win again, gameday.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
false alarm, still single
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