actually, I'm a sock model
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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