I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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