I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
tell me about the fingering
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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