1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
