Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
