Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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