i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
