So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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