how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
