Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
