So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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