she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
