I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
one might say we're banned from that church
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
