If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if only i could text you this smell
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
