she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
