We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
