They should really pass out barf bags in church
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
