My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
