Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
