Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
