so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
