a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
