I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I want her autograph on my taint
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
