i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
