You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
