After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
