I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
