i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
