The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
