She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
