Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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