By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
