White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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