we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
