she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
